Alternative Thing



Alternative Thing is the only suitable name given to a creature that can be found in the darkest part of any pub or club, usually next to the Attractive Friend and seems to be surgically attached to her Mobile phone. Back in my day it was a Hiptop but now it's probably an Iphone 2.0 Plus or some kind of Galaxy Phone, I don't fucking know, you get the gist. Anway, I'm sure you all know this creature, she's always overweight and in some band T shirt with peircings everywhere and colored hair. She might have taken your virginity or maybe she was just an incredibly drunk last resort on a not so fruitful night.

She listens to "everything" and only becomes a fan of something once you tell her what you like so it seems like all of a sudden you two have something in common. At some point during the night you'll say something thoughtful about something because you're a damn Party Pooper. She will claim that what you said is beautiful or magical or "OMG DAT SO TRUE" even though she didnt understand a fucking word you said about the state of todays Overstimulated Society. Your drunk, obviously because that isn't a conversation peice for impressing women unless you're drunk, so you believe shes kinda cool so you wake up in bed with her and all you can think of is getting up and running like a madman to go home and shower or maybe booking yourself into one of those beauty places where they cover you in mud and give you self help books.

The worst part is, the Attractive Friend who you originally tried to hook up with hooked up with some douchebag in the next room and thinks you're so sweet for banging the cobwebs out of her friend or retarded sister or whatever. She will never sleep with you after that so your only option really is to just Cut Yourself And Bleed Out somewhere interesting, like her car.